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(Not lost but) Found in translation!

Picture of first page of the Bible

The Bible – our source of truth, guidance and counsel.

Life giving words

The Bible has so much to teach us. It speaks to us as women, wives, mothers, friends. You name it, it is there. The work for us is to make sure that we don’t skim over the verses we have already committed to heart or that we by nature just frequent our favourites.

The Bible offers us wise counsel against which all other advice needs to be checked.

A perspective on translation…

Here’s a favourite of mine from Ephesians:

” So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Eph 5:33 NLT

compare that with the refreshing new insight offered when we read the same in a different translation:

“However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. Eph 5:33 AMP

Aren’t you getting even a little excited by the Word today? I am! I find myself looking at a “familiar” piece of scripture and seeing a whole new picture.

We are to:

  • Notice our husbands. Look at him, make eye contact and notice what he does for you / your home / your children. Don’t take for granted that he has a job and can provide for you (even if you want more, be thankful for what it is there currently!).
  • Regard him. Have concern for him.
  • Honour him. Bestow honour to and abide by his leadership in your home and family.
  • Prefer him. Have your heart beat for him! Make an effort to light your fire today. Don’t be tempted by relationships & comforts outside of your marriage.
  • Venerate him. Hold him in awe. Remember that our opinion matters to our husbands. Even if it doesn’t feel true to you at this point, make an effort to acknowledge him and comment on his strengths.
  • Esteem him. Regard your husband with respect. Value your husband. Even when it feels like the furthest thing from the truth. Declare and pray truths over him and look to all that could be instead of complaining about what isn’t there.
  • Defer to him. Be willing to accept and act on his wishes. True, I believe that we should contribute to decisions in the home and family but equally important is the need to know when to keep quiet and stop nagging. If you want him to be a leader for you family, you have to be willing to follow!
  • Praise him. Fill his love tank today. Send a short message to say “thank you” and comment on any act or word that has made a difference to you. Let him know that you are aware.
  • Love him. Profoundly care for, desire and be dedicated to. I am sure I can leave the details to you??
  • Admire him EXCEEDINGLY! Look at him with EXCEEDINGLY levels of delight. Remember when you were dating? Remember the butterflies, the excitement at the prospect of a meeting or call? Look at the best in him today, remind yourself and him of those outstanding qualities and you will probably find yourself become EXCEEDINGLY more excited as his return from work draws near.

And all of this from a portion of scripture that I had thought I knew.

Avoid complacency

both in when studying the Word of God and in your marriage.

Look at your husband with renewed eyes and find a way today to respect and love your partner as God wants you to!

Many many blessings for you.

Thanks for sharing my Cuppa.

Fighting Fair

Fighting Fair - Couple fighting

When your blood starts boiling and the steam starts escaping, resort to FIGHT.

Getting into the ring

We have all been there I am sure. Fighting. Despite your best intentions or highest commitment to maintain a healthy happy relationship, it inevitably happens that we end up disagreeing with our other half. Why? I suspect because we were created as unique individuals who each bring their own history, experiences and expectations to the marriage relationship.

I used to leave our arguments feeling blue. I hated knowing that we wasted valuable time by disagreeing but I reckon I failed to see the bigger picture. Yes, arguments are a waste of time when:

  • It is all about me and getting my way
  • Proving a point
  • Winning

But there is hope. Fighting and arguments can really be a valuable opportunity for each of us to:

  • Learn more about our partners
  • See our husband’s leadership in action and to show respect for it
  • Resolving our concerns in a way that leaves both of us feeling more connected because of our shared victory.

Fighting fair

“The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.” Martha Washington

My heart is for happy, healthy marriages that honour God while creating an environment for both spouses to become ALL that God has called them to be. Having said that, I honestly don’t see how we can hope to go through life and into marriage without ever experiencing friction or conflict. I do believe that the difference for us (women called to be wives and mothers of character) lies in the how…

A formula that works for us is to FIGHT.

  • Face each other and make eye contact. Address your issues and each other directly with courtesy and respect. I have found that it is much easier to run my mouth or speak without thinking when the ceiling is my only witness or when I find myself speaking to the bedside table. Looking at my SAMM reminds me both of the reward (our relationship) and the person (his feelings, thoughts and perspectives) during the conversation.
  • Ignore distractions. No phones, TV or children. If there are “distractions” around (feeding the children etc) it may not be the best time to have the conversation. Agree to discuss at a later stage and agree on a specific time (“Let’s talk about this after I put the SuperStar in bed”) I realise that not all disagreements are as easily postponed BUT it is a worthy challenge to accept.
  • Guard your tongue. Don’t resort to unkind, unflattering words in the heat of the battle. Once said it is impossible to take back so be very sure about what you want to say. Name-calling isn’t acceptable and neither is labeling or stereotyping. I am a quick thinker with a feisty personality and a heavy tongue so I understand if you think that this is a unachievable benchmark. I have also said things that should have been left unsaid and I have seen the hurt that words create. When you are tempted to name-call ask yourself “why”? I have found that when it is time to accept responsibility, it is easier for me to ‘deflect’ than to accept. Knowing what triggers your responses will help you to avoid the traps in future.
  • Halt the history.Avoid the “you always…” or “You never” statements. Look at what (SPECIFICALLY) you are disagreeing about and focus on discussing that one thing. Don’t allow the rabbit-holes to tempt you. Accept your part in the argument, take responsibility for your actions and own up when necessary. It is never easy but the alternative creates a messy, selfish marriage built on destructive arguments and unkind words.
  • Touch. I know… you think I am mad and delusional. Who wants to touch when you are fighting?? That is exactly the point. Reach out and break through the barriers of resistance and anger. It is far easier to remain in the moment without losing yourself or the objective when you are anchored by your partner.
  • Stay in it to win it! Don’t give up or bail out. stick with it. Neither of you will have real peace until your issue has been resolved.

“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Eph 4:26 NIV

My final say…

“Do everything in love.” 1 Cor 16:14 NIV

Yes. Fight with love. That means we should STOP looking at how WE are wronged or how WE should be accommodated. Love looks at the needs of the other person. Love looks at how to accommodate the other party. Love speaks with respect, it uses kind words even when it offers an honest perspective and love offers forgiveness. Love will help us to see opportunities to recognise our husband’s leadership and wisdom.

Love will help us to remove our selfish needs from the conversation as we build a strong, healthy, beautiful relationship that honours God.

Thanks for sharing my Cuppa.

FIGHTS formula from Laurie Kehler, notes and explanations by yours truly.
the peaceful wife

Helping wives go from hurting and frustrated to empowered, healed, and confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.