The heart of the matter
“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Phil 1:9-11 MSG
The 5 Love Languages
According to Dr Gary Chapman in his book the 5 Love Languages, people all give and receive love in 5 different love languages all with their own dialects. He urges us to determine what our own preferred language of love is as well as that of our spouse. When we then ‘speak’ love in that language to that person they will hear and experience the love message that we intended for them.
The 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
You can click on any of the links to catch-up on the discussion if you haven’t been following the series.
My take on speaking the language of love
I believe that the principles of the love languages work and I have from personal experience determined that they work WELL. I would encourage everyone to read the book and implement for themselves.
As a wife, I do also believe that:
- We shouldn’t be so focused on speaking one or two primary languages that we neglect the other languages and dialects of love. Although I am predominantly a ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Quality Time’ person, I really do enjoy physical touch, I appreciate acts of service and I am often pleasantly surprised by small gifts / gestures of love. I believe that the same principle holds true for my SAMM. We need to use all the available languages of love to make sure that we communicate our love, intent and respect in our marriages today!
- We shouldn’t dumb-down LOVE. Love is an active desire to find the best in your partner, to serve them with respect and kindness, to forgive, to adore, to long for. It is a complex conversation between two people. I am committed to making sure that my SAMM has the reserves he needs to confidently pursue his career, provide for his family, lead his family and honour our Lord. I need a robust language to communicate that with him
- Love mustn’t be predictable. Challenge yourself to find different ways to express your love, admiration and respect for your husband.
That loving feeling
Our intention with love (within our marriages) should be to:
When you think of speaking in the language of love to your husband, look at what it is you wish to communicate and decide what is the best way to communicate that to him.
My SAMM resonates with Words of Affirmation. I make sure to encourage and affirm him with specific message of appreciation and love (words of affirmation). I also try to combine that with small gifts at times (giving gifts). Sometimes I hug him when I say ‘thank you’ (physical touch). I offer to make cuppa so that he can unwind and say how I appreciate the long hours and commitment he has in his role as provider and leader in our family (acts of service). I ask about his day and his work and I make time to listen (quality time).
It is vitally important for me that he understands the core message of love, honour, and respect that I am sending to him so I reinforce and emphasise my message.
However you choose to love, honour and respect your husband – I pray that you would be blessed and enriched. I trust that God will enable us to love deeply, with wisdom and insight. I pray that we would all love our husbands faithfully, that we would love them well and that we would bring honour and glory to our Lord as we serve and commit to marriages designed and commanded by God!
Thanks for sharing these Cuppas with me as we leaned into love. Leave your musings, I’d be terribly glad for the conversation!