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Trust

Trust is…

putting your hope and belief and confidence in another person’s ability or a personal quality of theirs. Trust is a reliance on them.

In marriage I find that we limit trust to describe the conditions we impose around our husbands. I trust him in the company of other women or I trust that him with our money. We trust when it comes to the world around us, things that happen and with regards to other people and even then we are sometimes challenged by the concept.

Child trusting and leaping to parent's arms.

Trust – Take the Leap!

Trust is so much more!

Trust is about having complete confidence in our husband’s ability to:

  • Act on behalf of our family
  • To lead our family
  • To make decisions for our family
  • To speak up for our family
  • To stand up for his (and our) beliefs and core values
  • To provide for us

But it must also be much more personal than that. I must trust and rely on my husband with (note: WITH not TO DO SOMETHING, but to GIVE HIM SOMETHING):

  • My heart
  • My future hopes and expectations (for our marriage, our family, our life)
  • My sadness
  • My weakness
  • My falibilty
  • What is best for me

I must depend on him to take care of my heart, to nurture and protect me, to do what is right and good for me.Having the courage to let go and release trust into our marriage will liberate me from the belief the I am the only person who can take care of me.

Trust is difficult when…

When we have witnessed the devastating effects of misplaced trust, it becomes harder and harder to put our own trust in our spouses. We are also bombarded with material and messaging that tells us to be independent, self-sufficient and self-reliant. As women choosing to seek God’s face for our lives and our marriages, I believe we need to turn to God and ask Him to direct us as we put trust back into our marriages and relationships.

I am not proposing that it is an instantaneous release to leave past hurts and regrets behind and step into complete trust. I do, however, believe that it is imperative for us to make the decision to actively work towards regaining and rebuilding the lost trust in our marriages.

I communicate trust when…

If you are serious about communicating trust to your husband:

  • If you have left a decision with your husband, make sure that you LEAVE THE DECISION WITH HIM! Don’t be tempted to second-guess or doubt. You have made your decision to trust, now stick to it.
  • Be supportive of your husband in public forums. When he is communicating with you and others (in group format) or on behalf of your family support his judgement. Don’t contradict his statements or opinions. Don’t cut him off or act disrespectfully. If you have a difference of opinion feel free to discuss this with him when the two of you have time together – open forums are not the platform for this.
  • Allow him to be your protector, friend and confidant. Give him the opportunity to speak out for you, to make decisions for you and to give you direction and show his leadership. Be open to the possibility that he will not fail you and he will probably end up ASTOUNDING you.
  • Tell him you value his opinion.
  • Tell him that you are asking for his advice because you trust and want his guidance and advice.
  • Listen to his thoughts.
  • Defer to his leadership as the final earthly authority in your family and marriage.

And when you don’t

Be willing to apologise when you have neglected to place your trust in your husband. Ask for forgiveness. Every time we fail we have a great opportunity to learn and strengthen our future resolve.

For my part, I am desperately aware of how quickly I retract my trust when the pressure is on. Yet, I know that trust is essential to the well-being and survival of our marriages and it is vitally necessary to the well-being and growth of our husbands. It is certainly worth our effort.

 

 

Not of this world

Taking ‘forever I do’ to the next level – heaven!

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Rom 12:2 NLT

We live in a world that makes is so easy and  so acceptable to adjust our boundaries, rethink our moral value system or to step over the line. Yet the moment you do, the world is right there to chastise you for you failure / mistakes. I am not saying that we shouldn’t be reprimanded. We should however focus on not allowing ourselves to be tempted by worldly standards in the first place. 

We have been set apart by our Heavenly Father. He has elevated us above the standards and thinking of this world.

Of this world

Decide for yourself what your roles and responsibilities are as a woman, wife and mother in God. Evaluate your expectations and actions against the Word.

In this world, I used to think that as a woman and wife I should:

  • Demand equal rights in everything
  • My opinion mattered more than the feelings or opinions of others
  • Commit to pursuing my career above all
  • Prioritise my feelings and needs before all others
  • Be efficient, self-sufficient and independent in every aspect of my life and marriage

A renewed mind

The reality was that we were probably about as happily married as most couples can expect to be. The sad, real truth however was that I kept on yearning for and desiring more. In my heart and gut I felt like I was missing out on an intimate, deep, passionate connection but I had no idea how to even begin to answer this longing.

And then there was Scripture. I read “A woman after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George and you are more than welcome to refresh yourself on my initial torment and disgust! But my spirit stirred. I could not get away from the Scriptures Mrs George offered as proof to her theories.

The more I read the Word of God, the more I search for guidance in my role as a woman, wife and mother; the more I am amazed at how much the Word offers us.

Set yourself apart

It is far simpler to allow the world to tell you that an average marriage is acceptable and even the standard of the day. God promises us so much more!If we will honour God with our minds, bodies, spirit (our life!) – He promises us an intimate relationship with Him, an intimate relationship with our husbands, an intimate relationship with our children. He is enough to fill the yearning you and I have for a life of “more”. He has already given us the greatest gift & paid the highest price.

“You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.” 1 Cor 6:20 AMP

Renewed in Christ, I (as woman, wife and mother) now know that:

  • My first priority must be my relationship with Jesus. I need to meet with Him. Accept His guidance, instructions and renewal daily.
  • My relationship with my SAMM is about intimate connection. Our marriage is a platform / vehicle where I can use respect, deference, honour and love to encourage him to be the man that God has called and created him to be.
  • My true calling is in Christ. My marriage, career and life all fall under His authority and direction.
  • Love is first and foremost about the needs of others. In love, I need to ask where and I can I best use my abilities to serve and honour my husband.
  • I don’t have to be super-efficient. I am not designed to be self-sufficient or independent. I am designed to be nurtured, pursued and loved. I am designed to submit to my husband and allow him to take care of me, lead our family and provide for us.

It may seem archaic to some. Especially if you are used to what the world offers and teaches but I have found huge release and relief in the renewing of my mind.

I finally feel connected to my true calling and purpose and I can gratefully state that I am the willing, joyful and content participant in a marriage that FAR EXCEEDS the standards, depths and expectations of the world.

See you for another Cuppa tomorrow.

Peaceful Wife

Become Empowered, Healed, and Confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.