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Love in the right language (grand finale!)

I love you in every language I can think of!

The heart of the matter

“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Phil 1:9-11 MSG

The 5 Love Languages

According to Dr Gary Chapman in his book the 5 Love Languages, people all give and receive love in 5 different love languages all with their own dialects. He urges us to determine what our own preferred language of love is as well as that of our spouse. When we then ‘speak’ love in that language to that person they will hear and experience the love message that we intended for them.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch

You can click on any of the links to catch-up on the discussion if you haven’t been following the series.

My take on speaking the language of love

I believe that the principles of the love languages work and I have from personal experience determined that they work WELL. I would encourage everyone to read the book and implement for themselves.

As a wife, I do also believe that:

  1. We shouldn’t be so focused on speaking one or two primary languages that  we neglect the other languages and dialects of love. Although I am predominantly a ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Quality Time’ person, I really do enjoy physical touch, I appreciate acts of service and I am often pleasantly surprised by small gifts / gestures of love. I believe that the same principle holds true for my SAMM. We need to use all the available languages of love to make sure that we communicate our love, intent and respect in our marriages today!
  2. We shouldn’t dumb-down LOVE. Love is an active desire to find the best in your partner, to serve them with respect and kindness, to forgive, to adore, to long for. It is a complex conversation between two people. I am committed to making sure that my SAMM has the reserves he needs to confidently pursue his career, provide for his family, lead his family and honour our Lord. I need a robust language to communicate that with him
  3. Love mustn’t be predictable. Challenge yourself to find different ways to express your love, admiration and respect for your husband.

That loving feeling

Our intention with love (within our marriages) should be to:

  • honour
  • respect
  • affirm
  • encourage
  • support
  • adore
  • serve

our husbands.

When you think of speaking in the language of love to your husband, look at what it is you wish to communicate and decide what is the best way to communicate that to him.

My SAMM resonates with Words of Affirmation. I make sure to encourage and affirm him with specific message of appreciation and love (words of affirmation). I also try to combine that with small gifts at times (giving gifts). Sometimes I hug him when I say ‘thank you’ (physical touch). I offer to make cuppa so that he can unwind and say how I appreciate the long hours and commitment he has in his role as provider and leader in our family (acts of service). I ask about his day and his work and I make time to listen (quality time).

It is vitally important for me that he understands the core message of love, honour, and respect that I am sending to him so I reinforce and emphasise my message.

And finally…

However you choose to love, honour and respect your husband – I pray that you would be blessed and enriched. I trust that God will enable us to love deeply, with wisdom and insight. I pray that we would all love our husbands faithfully, that we would love them well and that we would bring honour and glory to our Lord as we serve and commit to marriages designed and commanded by God!

Thanks for sharing these Cuppas with me as we leaned into love. Leave your musings, I’d be terribly glad for the conversation!

Love in the the right language (part 3)

husband-and-wife-washing-dishes-300x296

Doing the … “whatever” :)

Do

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” Col 3:23 NLT

Acts of Service are simply opportunities where you offer to complete / help with an activity or task that your spouse could have handled on their own but that makes them aware of how you value them. It is about doing something for them, so that they feel loved, noticed and appreciated.

As women, we often end up serving our husbands. We cook, we clean, we pack lunches and we keep our homes. Even if this is not your primary love language, chances are that you will speak some dialect or version of it fluently.

So? Acts of Service are a fantastic, concrete way in which we can let our husbands in on just how much we love, appreciate and value them. The trick is to move away from the everyday and look for unique serving-opportunities.

“Doing” to say more

The language of Acts of Service speaks to individuals who feel loved, appreciated and valued when their spouse offers to help with (often mundane) tasks like washing the dishes, hanging out laundry, taking care of the pets or sorting breakfast for the family on a Saturday morning.

Our husbands are called to be:

  • Leaders of our families
  • Our protectors
  • Decision makers
  • Authoritative, directional guides in our marriage & parenting

My acts of service confirm that:

  • I value my husbands care and provision. While he is working to provide for me and our family, I am willing to use my time, resources and influence to make his day easier and more effective.
  • I am thankful for his contributions. When I am aware of AND thankful for my husband’s leadership, efforts and contributions in our home and family I can use my acts of service to say what my words may lack. Telling him to sit and relax while I fix him a cuppa after a long day is a small gesture that will go a long way.
  • He is valuable to ME and our family so I will easily and willingly make my VALUABLE time / energy available to him by offering to help wherever he needs me.

Acts of Service are…

acts of love, respect and affection. They are freely given without coercion or manipulation and they should be given without expectation of anything in return.

Some ideas for serving your husband:

  • Packing lunches for work
  • Getting his laptop / briefcase ready for his departure in the morning
  • Fetching laundry on his behalf
  • Getting his car cleaned (you could wash it yourself if you wanted!)
  • Running his errands on a busy day
  • Do shopping on his behalf (you’ll need a list from him)

The best advice I ever got…

“Ask him what you could do to make his day easier.”

At the time I thought “she must be insane!”. Who on earth earth would willingly add more chores and tasks to her daily to-do-list?? But it turns out that serving my husband should in actual fact be very high on my daily to-do’s so asking for his input will help me to do the right tasks and avoid wasting time and effort!

By asking where he needs my help, I can use my unique female design and qualities to tick off simple little tasks that make a HUGE difference to my SAMM and reminds him that he is loved, adored, respected and cherished by me, his coffee drinking squeeze.

Thanks for having a Cuppa with me. Feel like leaving a comment yet?

Peaceful Wife

Become Empowered, Healed, and Confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.