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Love in the right language (grand finale!)

I love you in every language I can think of!

The heart of the matter

“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.” Phil 1:9-11 MSG

The 5 Love Languages

According to Dr Gary Chapman in his book the 5 Love Languages, people all give and receive love in 5 different love languages all with their own dialects. He urges us to determine what our own preferred language of love is as well as that of our spouse. When we then ‘speak’ love in that language to that person they will hear and experience the love message that we intended for them.

The 5 Love Languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch

You can click on any of the links to catch-up on the discussion if you haven’t been following the series.

My take on speaking the language of love

I believe that the principles of the love languages work and I have from personal experience determined that they work WELL. I would encourage everyone to read the book and implement for themselves.

As a wife, I do also believe that:

  1. We shouldn’t be so focused on speaking one or two primary languages that  we neglect the other languages and dialects of love. Although I am predominantly a ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Quality Time’ person, I really do enjoy physical touch, I appreciate acts of service and I am often pleasantly surprised by small gifts / gestures of love. I believe that the same principle holds true for my SAMM. We need to use all the available languages of love to make sure that we communicate our love, intent and respect in our marriages today!
  2. We shouldn’t dumb-down LOVE. Love is an active desire to find the best in your partner, to serve them with respect and kindness, to forgive, to adore, to long for. It is a complex conversation between two people. I am committed to making sure that my SAMM has the reserves he needs to confidently pursue his career, provide for his family, lead his family and honour our Lord. I need a robust language to communicate that with him
  3. Love mustn’t be predictable. Challenge yourself to find different ways to express your love, admiration and respect for your husband.

That loving feeling

Our intention with love (within our marriages) should be to:

  • honour
  • respect
  • affirm
  • encourage
  • support
  • adore
  • serve

our husbands.

When you think of speaking in the language of love to your husband, look at what it is you wish to communicate and decide what is the best way to communicate that to him.

My SAMM resonates with Words of Affirmation. I make sure to encourage and affirm him with specific message of appreciation and love (words of affirmation). I also try to combine that with small gifts at times (giving gifts). Sometimes I hug him when I say ‘thank you’ (physical touch). I offer to make cuppa so that he can unwind and say how I appreciate the long hours and commitment he has in his role as provider and leader in our family (acts of service). I ask about his day and his work and I make time to listen (quality time).

It is vitally important for me that he understands the core message of love, honour, and respect that I am sending to him so I reinforce and emphasise my message.

And finally…

However you choose to love, honour and respect your husband – I pray that you would be blessed and enriched. I trust that God will enable us to love deeply, with wisdom and insight. I pray that we would all love our husbands faithfully, that we would love them well and that we would bring honour and glory to our Lord as we serve and commit to marriages designed and commanded by God!

Thanks for sharing these Cuppas with me as we leaned into love. Leave your musings, I’d be terribly glad for the conversation!

Love in the right language (part 5)

Physical touch – hugs, kisses, holding hands!

Solomon says…

“[She said distinctly] My beloved is mine and I am his! ” Son 2:16a AMP

The nature of physical touch

The language of physical touch is easily relegated to the bedroom and left their in isolation. We often assume that the language of physical touch is all about sex. There is so much more to it though.

Physical touch should not be limited to the bedroom or sexual activity! This is an opportunity for us to reach out and create an emotional connection with our spouses by touching, hugging, kissing, standing close. In a physical world, this language dialect allows us to reach out and break down walls of isolation, illusions of independence and selfish behaviour. It is rather difficult to fight with someone who reaches out and holds your hand! It is equally difficult to think only of your own needs and desires when you sit close, hugging the other half of you.

Physical touch can…

Physical touch allows us to say the following to our husbands:

  • I love you. Passionately and specifically. This is an intimate conversation between you and me reserved only for us.
  • I accept you. Perfectly, as you are.
  • I value you. I like being close to you. I like it SO much that I will make time to be near you!
  • I enjoy you! I enjoy your body, your arms, your hugs, your kisses.
  • I want you. More than I want anyone else – I want YOU and I reserve myself for you.

Physical touch doesn’t have to be predictable

We don’t have to be predictable. If you have been married for a while, you probably found that the ‘loving feeling’ evaporates and you do the same old things over and over again. The language of physical touch should encourage us to speak to our husbands creatively, spontaneously and with fun and enjoyment. This is great dialect to speak and a wonderful way for married couples to speak a secret love language reserved for only the two of you.

What to do for some pizzazz!

  • Kiss! Kiss him in the mornings, on his way out the door, on his way back in the door, anywhere close to the door! Kiss him goodnight. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
  • Hugs.
  • Hold his hand in public.
  • Cuddle on DVD nights.
  • Book ‘love seats’ at the cinema and sit as close as you can.
  • Hold hands while you drink a Cuppa.
  • Touch his face, his gluteus maximus, touch him.
  • And of course, sex. Some ooh-la-la for the two of you. I’ll let you add your own details to this point :)

“It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” 1 Cor 7:2-5 MSG

Touch is not about feeling

If you are saying that you just don’t always feel like extended touch, kisses or sex to your husband remember that love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment to be the best, to offer the best and to do our best to satisfy the needs and desires of another person. In our marriages love is a decision to remain faithful, to encourage and exhort our spouses to bring out the best in them and to serve them generously & respectful as women of God! Love is MUCH more than a feeling. Love is the REAL DEAL. It is serious business. It is a way of life.

Even when you least feel like it, reach out and touch your husband. You’d be surprised how the desire to be close is rekindled in both of you.

Back where we started

We started with words penned by king Solomon:

“[She said distinctly] My beloved is mine and I am his! ” Son 2:16a AMP

Will you choose to distinctly (loudly, vividly, CLEARLY) say to your loved one (and to the world) that you are his, and only his?

I sincerely hope that you’ll make time for some hand-holding as you share a Cuppa with your husband today!

Thanks for sharing my Cuppa. We’ll finish this tomorrow.

the peaceful wife

Helping wives go from hurting and frustrated to empowered, healed, and confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.