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Category Archives: Wives

Lets explore the calling God has for each of us. Our Father loves us and desires a deep, intimate relationship with our husbands for us. We can work towards that daily by renewing our minds continually.

Love in the right language

Keyboard with three I love you keys

“I love you” in the right language to send the right message.

“I love you”

“When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” Prov 31:26 (NLT)

In his book The 5 Love Languages Gary Chapman identifies different ways in which we all communicate the same basic message – “I love you.” Often just saying it isn’t nearly enough because the words we are saying aren’t being translated into a meaningful, understandable message that our partner can take to heart. We are simply not speaking their language. We might also be missing out on positive love message because we are not picking up the dialect that our partner speaks to us.

We are getting our love-speak confused and this can undermine our ability to show support, love, encouragement and respect to our husbands. I don’t deliberately avoid affirming or encouraging my SAMM but sometimes my messages slip through the cracks because I communicate in my natural style rather than making sure to speak his language. We need to make our communication styles a priority in order to offer consistent messages of love and respect to our husbands.

The five languages

The five love languages are:

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Physical Touch
  5. Receiving Gifts

It is common for some people to experience and interpret love in more than one of these ways but there will most often be one or two that rank higher than the others. Knowing your primary love language(s) simply means you will have a better idea of how love “spoken” to you. If you want to learn more about your love language, you can visit The 5 Love Languages website and complete the online assessments.

Great idea: get your husband to do the same and you’ll have instant insight into his heart!

Speaking the language of love

One of the love languages is Words of Affirmation. This is also one of the languages that I believe most men relate well to. That means that we need to work harder at offering the right types of messages to encourage and affirm our husbands. We need to establish firmly in their minds how important their leadership, protection and authority is in our homes and our hearts.

In stead of simply saying “I love you” today, incorporate specific messages that will show him the “why” behind your love. Here are some suggestions:

  • “You look really good today!”
  • “I know that you are going to be great in your presentation today.!
  • “Thank you for getting home early / on time to have dinner with us. It is so much nicer when you are here with us.”
  • “Thank you for being such a strong leader for our family.”
  • “I appreciate the fact that you…. .”
  • “I can’t wait to spend some time alone with you. I really enjoy your company.”

Don’t be insincere. Use these suggestions to create phrases that are true about your husband. The idea is to get thinking about telling your husband that you love him in more specific terms!

Making your words count

There are so many ways to communicate our love and support to our spouses. Take the time to create an honest message that comes from your heart. Here are a few tips to enhance your communications:

  • Look at your husband’s strengths and remind him of those. Even if you have told him before, remind him again that he is a good leader, that you like his confidence, that you adore his smile etc.
  • When appropriate, compliment your husband in the company of friends and family. Take pride in your husband and share that with others.
  • Don’t feel obliged to say things out loud. Send and e-mail. Tuck a note in his shirt pocket. Leave a card on his pillow. Send him a text to share an important “love fact” with him.
  • Be sure to tell your children how great their father is. Be specific. “Did you see how nicely daddy painted the room?” “Did you know that daddy works hard to provide food and a home for us?” Do this often – in front of your husband and when you are alone with your children.
  • Pray. Be thankful for your husband – his good qualities, his strengths, his leadership. Pray blessing over him as often as you can. Lift him to the Lord. Don’t be too quick to ask God to change him though! Ask the Lord to change YOU, to show you more of the GREAT in your husband, to awaken your love and affection and to give you words to sow love and respect.

Remember; words are important. Pick yours wisely.

” Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].” 1 Cor 13:7 (AMP)

The payoff of speaking each other’s love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance.

Say it is so

The more often you affirm, encourage and support your husband the easier it will be for these great qualities and behaviours to become consistent in your home. If you are consistently offering him encouragement, affirmation and specific love messages that show respect, honour and support you will probably find your husband responding with affection, love and respect as well. Fill his love tank with some serious, sincere love today!

Thanks for sharing this “love”-ly Cuppa with me today.

(Not lost but) Found in translation!

Picture of first page of the Bible

The Bible – our source of truth, guidance and counsel.

Life giving words

The Bible has so much to teach us. It speaks to us as women, wives, mothers, friends. You name it, it is there. The work for us is to make sure that we don’t skim over the verses we have already committed to heart or that we by nature just frequent our favourites.

The Bible offers us wise counsel against which all other advice needs to be checked.

A perspective on translation…

Here’s a favourite of mine from Ephesians:

” So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Eph 5:33 NLT

compare that with the refreshing new insight offered when we read the same in a different translation:

“However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. Eph 5:33 AMP

Aren’t you getting even a little excited by the Word today? I am! I find myself looking at a “familiar” piece of scripture and seeing a whole new picture.

We are to:

  • Notice our husbands. Look at him, make eye contact and notice what he does for you / your home / your children. Don’t take for granted that he has a job and can provide for you (even if you want more, be thankful for what it is there currently!).
  • Regard him. Have concern for him.
  • Honour him. Bestow honour to and abide by his leadership in your home and family.
  • Prefer him. Have your heart beat for him! Make an effort to light your fire today. Don’t be tempted by relationships & comforts outside of your marriage.
  • Venerate him. Hold him in awe. Remember that our opinion matters to our husbands. Even if it doesn’t feel true to you at this point, make an effort to acknowledge him and comment on his strengths.
  • Esteem him. Regard your husband with respect. Value your husband. Even when it feels like the furthest thing from the truth. Declare and pray truths over him and look to all that could be instead of complaining about what isn’t there.
  • Defer to him. Be willing to accept and act on his wishes. True, I believe that we should contribute to decisions in the home and family but equally important is the need to know when to keep quiet and stop nagging. If you want him to be a leader for you family, you have to be willing to follow!
  • Praise him. Fill his love tank today. Send a short message to say “thank you” and comment on any act or word that has made a difference to you. Let him know that you are aware.
  • Love him. Profoundly care for, desire and be dedicated to. I am sure I can leave the details to you??
  • Admire him EXCEEDINGLY! Look at him with EXCEEDINGLY levels of delight. Remember when you were dating? Remember the butterflies, the excitement at the prospect of a meeting or call? Look at the best in him today, remind yourself and him of those outstanding qualities and you will probably find yourself become EXCEEDINGLY more excited as his return from work draws near.

And all of this from a portion of scripture that I had thought I knew.

Avoid complacency

both in when studying the Word of God and in your marriage.

Look at your husband with renewed eyes and find a way today to respect and love your partner as God wants you to!

Many many blessings for you.

Thanks for sharing my Cuppa.

Peaceful Wife

Become Empowered, Healed, and Confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.