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Category Archives: Kids

Leaning into our children and the role we have a their mother. Posts in this category will reflect on how the hows, whys and what-to-dos of being a mom in today’s world.

There is more than this world

At the watering hole…

My monthly trip to the hair salon left me somewhat gobsmacked. Our ‘gaggle’ of ladies gathered around the basins discussing children and what not. The conversation turned to sex education and the responsibilities of parents today.

I was astounded, somewhat disappointed and definitely saddened by the standard set by today’s parents. The generally accepted conclusion was that it is our duty to inform our children about adequate protection. We, as mothers, are to make sure that our children don’t have unprotected sex. Not NO SEX, just not unprotected sex.

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”  Eph 5:15-17 NIV

Be careful were you walk.

Paul speaks to us and tells us to be cautious in our walk. Not timid or cowardly – rather, aware and attentive of potential dangers in our walk. Because the days are evil. The world is constantly tripping us up (*) – it tempts and lures us into danger zones and then wants to wag its finger in our face, scowling with an “I told you so face”. Friends don’t pat each other on the back because the were clever enough to have protected, responsible sex. Initially, it might be cool and sought after to be the ‘brave’ or ‘liberated’ one but we have all seen how quickly the rumour mill chews up and spits out a reputation. “Cool” today becomes the “easy” of tomorrow.

“Doing wrong leads to disgrace, and scandalous behavior brings contempt.” Prov 18:3 NLT

As a woman, wife and mother I want to model to my daughter the behaviour that will set her up for success in life, love and marriage. I want to be brave enough to take a stand for the important things so that she will know her own courage. I want to help her make and stick to the difficult decisions in life because she has been set apart, along with you and me, as a princess. A favoured child of a heavenly Father and King.

Be wise.

“Be wise, making the most of every opportunity” Paul instructs us. To be “wise” we (as mothers / parents) ought to remember that it might be “responsible” to teach our children about protected sex but it is right to teach them to value themselves.

Teaching and modelling wisdom is about establishing a person of character (in ourselves and our daughters and sons) that can distinguish between wise and unwise (or foolish) decisions and acts and who will be held accountable for their choices in life.

I want my daughter to realize how much her heart is worth and to expect and wait for the best. I want to set up her of for a great marriage now! I want her to realise now that her femininity, her heart and her mind are all gifts from God and these should not be wasted on clanging hormones.

We should equip our kids with skills and motivation to want to do what is right, not simply what this world would settle for.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” 2 Tim 1:7 AMP

We are armed with enough spirit, guts and conviction if we will take courage and stand for what we know is right.

Be the odd one out.

I know that it might seem archaic and even insane but I firmly believe that we can teach our children to expect more. Fundamentally, we should expect more. Aim higher. Stand stronger. We have a spirit of power that resides in us!

Standing for an “archaic” moral standard that implicitly says “wait until you are married before having sex” isn’t my way of ruining my daughter’s life or about making her the social outcast of the day. It really is about listening to…

“In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” John 16:33 MSG

We are not of this world. We don’t have to settle for what is here and now.

Instead of equipping my daughter  with knowledge about Safe Sex, I want to teach her to read her Bible, to pursue the will of God and check all her decisions in this life against His unfailing Word. I want to pray with her, worship with her and celebrate with her as God establishes His plan in her life everyday.

May this weekend be kind to you and your family. Thanks for slugging through this Cuppa with me!

Wait. It’s worth it.

Footnotes:

I want to be perfectly honest and clear about this matter.I feel so strongly about this particular matter because I have made wrong choices in my life. But I also know that I want more for my daughter. Thankfully the love and grace of Jesus is deep and wide and all-consuming. If you, like me, need to find love and forgiveness with Him, I pray that this Salvation Prayer will be the start of a joyous journey of reconciliation for you.
 
(*) We are not separate from our decisions. For every behaviour there is consequence – good or bad. Please don’t read more into my statement than I intended.

The dark ages, or is it really?

I am a gadget-geek. I enjoy technology and I love new gadgets and so does my SAMM. We have invested in an iPad and Kindle and we each have our laptops and iPods and and and. I am sure you get the gist of it.

But this morning I woke up with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt ever so slightly disconnected. I felt somewhat isolated and as I looked at my SAMM getting ready for work, I felt just a little discontented. And I realised with a shock that we had allowed it to happen again. We have lived passed each other for the last couple of days.

It seems a trivial thing to say in a happy home but I thrive in an environment of communication, interaction and engagement. People are my drug-of-choice and my SAMM is always my first choice. So a couple of days filled with other things, leaves me discontent and unhappy. If left untreated will escalate to severe unhappiness, self-righteous behaviour and a sullen attitude and I for one would like to avoid that at all costs.

But what’s the problem?

Making time for your other half is about creating opportunities to engage in conversation. C-O-N-V-E-R-S-AT-I-O-N. If we want our marriages to be happy and healthy we need to make an effort to KNOW our partners. How can we even attempt to encourage, support and love our husbands if we don’t know what they are thinking about, wrestling with or enjoying at the moment? How can you expect support, encouragement or love if they don’t know your in’s and out’s?

In our case, it starts with technology. Phones, tablets, laptops etc etc etc. Devices that draw us in with apps and programs and games. You think you are only logging in to check you Facebook status quickly but an hour later when you surface you can’t believe how much time has passed.

Let me make myself perfectly clear, the devices are not at fault. We are. How and when use our technology is what determines whether there is a problem or a balance.

Putting people before technology

Today, it is SUPER easy to fall into the trap of technology-over-indulgence (and I am not just saying that to soothe my own conscience). Technology is everywhere. We use technology for very positive and useful ends like Bible studies and reading the Bible (www.youversion.com / www.globible.com  – two online Bible reading tools with great resources), reading (Amazon Kindle app for iPad is great!), following other respected leaders’ blogs on topics such as Marriage, Ministry etc. It’s not ALL bad. But how do we keep technology from hindering our relationship?

  1. Be Aware. Be aware of the technology-trap. Be aware of how much time you spend on your respective devices.
  2. Have technology-free times in your home. Cell phones aren’t allowed at the dinner table and we don’t answer calls during meal times. We don’t eat in front of the TV.
  3. Be specific about family time. When my SAMM arrives home from work, we have the perfect opportunity to spend time together as a family before the SuperStar is off to bed. Don’t indulge technology during this time. Playing a game on you iPad with your toddler is NOT A FAMILY ACTIVITY! Revert back to old-school-methods like drawing, talking or simple playing.\
  4. Declare your bedroom a sacred space. No TV. No iPads. No Laptops. NO NO NO. Make an effort to create a space and place where it is easy to relax and engage with each other (however the mood leads you :D ) The point is to so NO to hindrances and YES to each other. You will have to adapt to suit your home (i.e. having books on your Kindle or your Bible on you iPad) but be VIGILANT about allowing devices free reign in your sacred space.

The dark ages?

Is it really the dark ages? Do you really perceive me to be archaic and conservative?

I hope that you will see my heart in all of this is not to encourage a primitive lifestyle but rather one that allows for balance because we are able to PRIORITISE what is most important in our lives. I am not satisfied with simple ‘Hello how are you?’s or other superficial conversations with my loved one. I want to KNOW more, SEE more, LISTEN attentively and ENGAGE deeply. And no matter how COOL they are, NO DEVICE could ever be a SUBSTITUTE for that.

“So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clearheaded.” 1 Thess 5:6 NLT

Thanks for sharing my Cuppa.

Lord, please give us wisdom in our marriages and relationships. Make us aware of the hindrances and barriers that prevent us from living out our fullest potential and calling as women, wives and mothers in Your calling. We want to honour you with our marriages and relationships – help us to give our very best for You today. Amen.
the peaceful wife

Helping wives go from hurting and frustrated to empowered, healed, and confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.