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Author Archives: Coffee Cup Wife

Looking to the Future

Looking to the Future. After much reflection, there is a bright bright joy that beckons!

Looking to the Future.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. Heb 11:1-2 (MSG)

It has been awhile, my friend, since you and I shared a Cuppa. Much has happened in my home, heart and life and presume the same is true for you? I will start this conversation by sharing my part – feel free to join and share your stories.

This year has been tougher than others in its own unique way. I have been struggling with severe headaches that left me weak and often confined me to bed for days on end. Nobody could make sense of it. We prayed. I saw many doctors. It was quite an epic little drama in my little family. Add to that, my husband had been asked to travel for work and he spent more and more time away from home and in another city. Our home felt empty without him. I battled to cope alone and our 5 year old Super Star was taking strain. But God has remained so good to us.

He was our strength when there was none left. Always providing, always caring. We never lacked. I (we) have been blessed beyond reckoning and understanding during this year! This has become the year during which I have realised just how grateful I oughto be for all we have (not only in earthly possessions!) in friends, family and in the Heavenly Father who loves us beyond comprehension and understanding!

I have purchased the 1000 Gifts book by Ann Voskamp and I have downloaded the App for my iPad. It’s has been amazingly refreshing to sit down and take stock of what you have to be grateful for, especially when days seem confused and rush past. It has been a wonderful testimony of my journey and my family’s through the past couple of months to remind us of His ever present Grace and Love and Watchfulness (made-up word?) in our day to day lives.

Let all that I am praise the Lord;with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. PS 130:1 (NLT)

We have since, amongst the many doctors and neurologists and specialists, found a doctor who suggested a diagnoses and treatment that seems to work for me.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us,but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness. Ps 115:1 (NLT)

My SAMM is home now which is great because his company offered him a FANTASTIC position in Cape Town (the city he was previously traveling to) – one of the most beautiful places in South Africa and we are frantically packing boxes getting ready for the move in 4 weeks time!

So what do I know now that I didn’t know at the start of this year and journey?

  1. Trust the Holy Spirit when He leads you – He sees a far bigger picture than you can even imagine.
  2. Invest in your relationship with your husband when the pressure is low and the love is high. Learn to respect him NOW, support him NOW so that when the pressure cooker starts to boil and you’re reserves are running low you can trust in that partnership-relationship. (Look our for a post on this soon).
  3. Make time for a Cuppa with God as often as you can – when nothing else satisfies or feeds, He gives strength and sustenance.

So, we’re almost caught up. I would love to hear from you. Leave a note and let me know how you have been. I look forward to another Cuppa with you soon.

What marriage is

"I do!" - Wedding rings, newly weds!

“I do!” – Wedding rings, newly weds!

Adjusting my perspective

As I have explained, I entered into marriage because that’s what people do. Isn’t it? My SAMM and I had been dating for a while, he made my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat and he seemed to ‘get me’. So the next logical step was to tie the knot. 

In 2005 we said “I do”, celebrated with friends and family and went on a romantic honeymoon.

Then we got home. The extraordinary time spent on planning and preparing (oh, if I knew then what I had learnt in recent years) for our wedding was past and the humdrum of our lives set in. We were never excruciatingly unhappy but we were definitely far from content. We were caught in power-struggles, battles for the authority and leadership in our home and I cried my Ingrid Bergman tears many nights. Being married was suddenly a lot harder than I had ever imagined.

Thankfully this piece is NOT about the struggle. I want to share with you today, just what exactly marriage turned out to be!

What marriage turned out to be.

“They’ll all get to know me firsthand, the little and the big, the small and the great. They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean. By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust.” Heb 8:11b-13 (MSG)

This piece, in great part is inspired by the teaching of a local pastor, who drew his understanding and interpretation from the Bible. Fancy that. Even better, as it turns out the Bible has lots to offer on the subject. Opening ourselves and being receptive to teaching and instruction has made a huge impact on our relationship. On our marriage.

Marriage (as it turned out) is NOT:

  • simply a logical conclusion to the dating cycle
  • a passport to sexual pleasure
  • (in itself / as an institution) is not a guaranteed,more intimate connection with your partner

Marriage IS:

  • a COVENANT
  • a FRIENDSHIP
  • an opportunity to DISPLAY THE GOSPEL

A covenant?

Marriage is a binding promise and agreement between two people.

“Our vows are simply future-dated appointments with ourselves. “If I am alive in 50 years, I will be right here, by your side.” Ps PJ Smyth (Godfirst Church)

Our binding agreement resembles and should reflect the relationship that God desires to have with each of us.

Despite our worst offenses and missteps, He will forgive. He will LOVE US regardless of what we say or how we act. His love is not conditional, it isn’t jealous and there are no boundaries to it.

A friendship?

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Gen 2:18 NLT

Our marriage was never designed to be a power struggle. It was supposed to be a unification of two people who complimented and added to each other. Marriage at its heart was designed to bring two people together for greater joy, worship and intimacy with God as it mirrors the relationship that Christ (our Groom) has with His church (we are His Bride).

A gospel display?

“God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you.” Mal 2:15b

Marriage is an ongoing testimony of just how serious and committed God is about my / your / our relationship with Him. He will love us no matter what. He has already paid the highest price for each of us. The hope, forgiveness, love, kindness, respect, honour and mercy in our marriages should shine brightly enough to show God’s heart to a desperate world.

Way different to what I expected!

Marriage turned out to be way different to the picture I had constructed in my mind. I had hoped for romance, butterflies, surprise gestures of love and someone to share my hopes and dreams with.

We actually had no real idea of what we were getting ourselves into!

Instead I have found that I am blessed with an opportunity to seek and honour God through this earthly union. I have found a friend with whom I can laugh and enjoy. There are still butterflies and sometimes candles, but there often is leadership and character. I can share my hopes and expectations with my SAMM but I can also share my faith, my love for Jesus and my struggles with him. It turns out that we are building a lasting legacy that will testify to our daughter, our friends and our families. Yip, marriage turned out to be SO MUCH MORE than I had ever dreamed of!

My conclusion?

We all probably, have many areas to work on in our marriages but right here and now, I am acutely aware of being supernaturally blessed and favoured because I am part of the wonderful testimony and worship that marriage offers. Yes, lets work and build and nurture and grow BUT lets also be thankful for what we have (no matter how broken or distorted it has become).

We each have a significant part to play and a lasting contribution to make to our marriages. We don’t have to fight for power, authority or other illusions. We can, and should, simply rest in the beautiful design God has for each of our marriages and play the part He has already authored and prepared for us.

What a delicious cuppa. Thanks for staying a while.

 
Deeper connections - what to say - how to say it - be heard

with author, speaker, & trainer, Nina Roesner

Peaceful Wife

Become Empowered, Healed, and Confident in Christ

With a Cuppa Coffee

Hearty chats for women about this, that and whatnot.